I’ve found that one of the greatest lessons you learn from the numerous break ups you experience throughout your life — whether it be with significant others, friends, or other relationships you invested in — is accepting that you won’t always get an answer as to why the relationship ended. Similarly, you’ll come across numerous situations and people in your life where you won’t get the clarity you desire despite how adamantly you may demand it. Whether it’s being pointedly left out of a get together, encountering someone who seems to hate you before getting to know you, or being turned down for a promotion you were confident was yours, you won't always receive an answer as to why things didn't turn out the way you figured.
As someone who demands clarity, comprehension, and coherence — who insists upon it — this has been a lifelong struggle for me. I have an unrelenting need to understand, more so than the average person. Why? What do you mean? Make me understand. I must understand. I have a hard time grasping and accepting a situation until I can fully comprehend it in its entirety. I need all of the facts before I can find a solution. Except life doesn't always give you solvable equations, and sometimes you'll have all of the pieces but the puzzle still won't fit. You won't always understand the situations life throws your way, hard as you may try.
As the great, late Joan Rivers said, "It doesn't get better — you get better." You get better at accepting that people won’t always spell things out for you because sometimes it’s as simple as them no longer caring to. You get better at learning that situations and people will often leave you feeling bewildered, befuddled, and betrayed; that life can be grossly unfair. But you also experience that despite the torrential downpours, you get better at navigating the waters and charting your own course. You get better at distancing yourself from the past and learn to look forward — to focus on yourself and surround yourself with people who respect and care for you enough to help you better understand the beautiful mess of a world we live in. And when that happens, the answers won't matter so much.